The audacity of Tiger….
Well, I got a new computer, and it’s a liberating experience.
As the era of Twitter, Facebook and blogging has grown around me, I’ve been stuck with the tools unable to take advantage of it. I feel like one of those 50-year-old guys who finally broke down and just bought an HDTV.
So this is what I’m missing. Technology. It’s a beautiful thing. Except I feel like an idiot. Here I am, all excited over being able to do things everyone else has been doing for at least a couple years now.
So give me a little time to figure it all out. I’ll catch up.
Anyway, I wanted to post some thoughts on the Tiger Woods debacle and the most ridiculously-crafted speech I’ve ever heard. But needless to say, someone more talented and with a much larger audience than myself (that’s always the case when you’re trying to be a writer) said everything I wanted to say about Tiger’s speech, only better than I could. ESPN’s Bill Simmons pretty much said everything I felt after reading Tiger’s speech (I didn’t get to listen to it live). Here’s the link to Simmons’ take:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100219
I have a few thoughts of my own, though.
Number one, I would’ve loved to see Tiger freeze up like an iPod while his PR team frantically scurried to re-boot him.
“The manual says, ‘Unplug Tiger for 30 seconds, then plug him back in,’” Stevie Williams shouts. “‘If that doesn’t work, call tech support at 1-800-DONTDARESNAPAPHOTOOFMEWHILEIMINMYBACKSWINGORILLBRAINYOUWITHMY5IRON.’”
Of course, that didn’t happen. But what DID happen was that Tiger Woods uttered the absolute, undisputed champion of “The Dumbest Damage-Control Quote Ever” contest when he said this:
“I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me.”
What? Um, Tiger, could you repeat that? Is that what you REALLY wanted to say?
Seriously, who in Tiger’s camp possibly could’ve approved him saying this ridiculous quote? How in the world could Tiger go through this process:
“You know, I need to come up with an excuse for my behavior. Hmmmm, let me think. What if I said something about how all the hard work I’ve done made me feel entitled to enjoy the fruits of my labor and have sex with many women who weren’t my wife. Yeah, I think they’ll buy that.”
For one, Tiger, “hard work” is busting your ass 9-to-5 everyday, taking an hour to eat dinner and working a part-time job at night to support a family. Not playing golf. But I’ll put all that aside. I won’t get on a soap box, because I don’t think many people (me included) have a right to preach on moral authority.
But here’s the thing: What I’m sick and tired of from pro athletes is a lack of accountability. And in this speech, Tiger expressed just a riduculous lack of accountability, and that line about being able to deserve the “fruits of his labor” was the worst.
See, I get that athletes screw up. I don’t expect them to be great people. They occasionally cheat on their wives, they’re not all great husbands and fathers, they drink, they do drugs, they screw up like we all do. And once they apologize for their transgressions and start succeeding in sports again (and I’m sure Tiger will), we move on. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
But, just for once, I want to hear an athlete screw up and actually be honest about why they did it. Tiger? He blames it on being a sex addict (well, if sex is an addiction, Tiger, then I guess 99.9 percent of us men are addicts; it’s just that some of us who are married make the decision to not have sex with people other than our wives). Then, in his first press conference since the Thanksgiving incident, he expects us to understand him and forgive him because he was merely trying to “enjoy all the temptations around him.”
Geez, Tiger, you think your kids are going to buy that when you have to explain to them what you did?
I understand that Tiger apologized to his wife, made some wonderfully complimentary remarks about her, showed genuine remorse for his transgressions and seemed to understand that he let a lot of people down. That’s only part of it, though.
The whole thing made Tiger seem more disingenuous than ever. Once again, Tiger showed that damage control boils down to two things for rich and famous athletes:
1. Make everyone feel sorry for you by claiming your misbehavior was the result of something you couldn’t control. Sex addiction, anyone?
2. Claim that your lack of control over your problem was only exacerbated by a lifestyle in which normal rules don’t apply to you. “That poor Tiger,” we’re all supposed to think. “What must it be like to have beautiful women throw themselves at you wherever you go? I’m glad THOSE rules don’t apply to me.”
Follow those two rules, and you wind up with Jim Nantz swooning over you as you walk up the 18th fairway on Sunday at the Masters to an adoring gallery: “Tiger Woods has overcome it all, from sex addiction to many beautiful women throwing themselves at him to win the Masters once again.”
Pardon me while I puke.
The bottom line is, Tiger can apologize to his wife, the media, the fans, his business partners, everyone. He can rationalize his transgressions, do the nice PR thing by saying he’s going to do everything to make his marriage right again, do everything he can to make everyone else like him again.
But there’s only one person, and one person only, who these actions can’t appease: Tiger Woods.
Because is this REALLY what Tiger wants? After running all over the world and having affairs with women despite having a wife and children and not stopping his pattern of misbehavor until he was finally caught, is being the good married man the person Tiger really wants to be?
If I’m Tiger Woods, my speech last Friday would’ve been short and sweet:
“I’m sorry for cheating on my wife. What I did to her and my children was unacceptable. For that I am truly sorry, and I will do whatever I need to to make peace with my family.
“But I also have to be honest with myself. I don’t know if I want to be married, or if I ever wanted to be married. I was young and extemely wealthy, and what I did suggests that I perhaps I didn’t love my wife as much as I thought I did. Having affairs with numerous women made me wonder if I really want to be married, or if I enjoyed the sex life of a wealthy, famous, single man instead. This is a question I should’ve answered before I got married, I know. For that, I’m the most sorry. I messed up. I made a mistake. I’m human.
“I’m sorry, but at least I’m being honest. I don’t care how many people I rub the wrong way. If I’m not honest, none of what I say will ever matter again, to me or anyone else.”
Now THAT’S an athlete I could forgive.
